We've gathered 64 of the greatest beards in history to a remote island in the middle of the Internet to determine The Best Beard of All Time, Living or Dead, Real or Fictional Champion of the World.
See results from every round, who beat who, and who won it all (2021).
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We've gathered 64 of the greatest beards in history to a remote island in the middle of the Internet to determine The Best Beard of All Time, Living or Dead, Real or Fictional Champion of the World.
See results from every round, who beat who, and who won it all (2021).
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MATCHUP #1 - MAXIMUS DECIMUS MERIDIUS VS. ANNIE JONES
In our first matchup of the first round, Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius, faces off with Annie Jones.
Annie started touring with the legendary showman P.T. Barnum before the age of 1 and went on to become one of the most famous bearded ladies of all time.
WINNER: Annie Jones 66.7% - Maximus 33.3%
MATCHUP #2 - JAMES HARDEN VS. ZEUS
Everyone knows James Harden draws on his powerful full beard to fuel MVP seasons, while Zeus' beard draws on the power of the sky to achieve its kingly curls.
WINNER: Zeus 64.7% - James Harden 35.3%
MATCHUP #3 - COLONEL SANDERS VS. RICKI HALL
A battle of the old school vs. the new.
We have the first Southern gentleman of finger-licking chicken taking on a man who helped bring beards and tattoos into mainstream fashion as a trailblazing model.
WINNER: Ricki Hall 65.5% - Colonel Sanders 34.5%
MATCHUP #4 - ACTION BRONSON VS. THE DUDE
Action Bronson is one of the best rappers alive but his beard exudes power and confidence before he says a word.
On the other side of the matchup, The Dude wouldn't be complete without his laid-back goatee.
WINNER: The Dude 65.2% - Action Bronson 34.8%
MATCHUP #5 - CHUCK NORRIS VS. ZAC BROWN
Chuck Norris' beard has already travelled forward in time and won this tournament, but never count out Zac Brown when he's got a cold beer on a Friday night and a pair of jeans that fit just right 🎵.
WINNER: Chuck Norris 69% - Zac Brown 31%
MATCHUP #6 - RYAN FITZPATRICK VS. SENECA CRANE
No one has a fuller beard and clearer eyes than Ryan Fitzpatrick. Can't lose!
On the other hand, if works of art communicate something, not many messages are more clearly delivered than Hunger Games Maker Seneca Crane's impeccably manicured message, "Hey, I'm the bad guy in this movie."
WINNER: Ryan Fitzpatrick 74.8% - Seneca Crane 25.2%
MATCHUP #7 - UNCLE SAM VS. JOEL STRASSER
Originally baby-faced, a beard was added to Uncle Sam's call to action in 1869 due to the rise in popularity of beards, and if you look closely, it is just kind stuck on the end of his chin.
Meanwhile, in this corner, Joel Strasser holds the Guinness World Record for most straws stuffed in a beard (534).
WINNER: Uncle Sam 78.4% - Joel Strasser 21.6%
MATCHUP #8 - KNUTE THE KENTUCKY CATTLE RANCHER VS. ANDREW "BEEF" JOHNSTON
Friend of the Doc, Knute's full beard is a thing of beauty.
Facing Knute is one of beard culture's modern pioneers, Andrew "Beef" Johnston, who's taking his full growth into the halls of country clubs and golf courses more used to a clean shaves.
WINNER: Knute the Kentucky Cattle Rancher 88.1% - Andrew "Beef" Johnston 11.9%
MATCHUP #9 - GANDALF THE GREY VS. HARALD BLUETOOTH
Magic against myth in this opening round match between the grey-bearded wizard of Middle Earth, and the man chosen to carry the torch for the famous braided Viking beard.
(And namesake of Bluetooth technology - designed to unite devices much like Harald united Denmark under Christianity)
WINNER: Gandalf the Grey 53.6% - Harald Bluetooth 46.4%
MATCHUP #10 - GRIZZLY ADAMS VS. JOHN KNOX
California mountain man Grizzly Adams used his full beard to gain the trust of the wild grizzlies he trained.
A few hundred years earlier, John Knox and his belly length beard reformed Christianity in Scotland, contributing to the struggle for genuine human freedom by teaching a duty to oppose unjust government in order to bring about moral and spiritual change.
WINNER: Grizzly Adams 77.5% - John Knox 22.5%
MATCHUP #11 - JESUS CHRIST VS. SOCRATES
Two men who achieved one-name-fame face off in this matchup. Here, Jesus is portrayed with the forked beard more commonly associated with his opposite number.
Socrates' beard was so large, it was said he had the strongest neck muscles in Greece.
WINNER: Jesus Christ 58.7% - Socrates 41.3%
MATCHUP #12 - BARBAROSSA VS. THE MAN WITH NO NAME
Born on the Isle of Lesbos, Barbarossa (translated as "Red Beard") was one of the greatest naval commanders of all time, rising from pirate to admiral of the Ottoman Empire.
The Man with No Name feels like a lucky pick here. Do you feel lucky?
WINNER: The Man With No Name 76.6% - Barbarossa 23.4%
MATCHUP #13 - WOLVERINE VS. CONOR MCGREGOR
Two wildmen face off next, with the iconic Wolverine and his unique chinstrap look against the beard that launched the UFC and MMA into another stratosphere.
WINNER: Conor McGregor 55.8% - Wolverine 44.2%
MATCHUP #14 - KHABIB NURMAGEMEDOV VS. JOHNNY HARRINGTON
Khabib narrowly avoids a matchup with his old enemy McGregor to face a completely different kind of challenge in Johnny Harrington, a model who has helped challenge traditional male grooming in the world of high fashion.
WINNER: Johnny Harrington 80.4% - Khabib Nurmagemedov 19.6%
MATCHUP #15 - DREW MCNAUGHTON VS. HANS-PETER WEIS
This is one for the real beard heads out there - 2020 US all-around beard champion faces off against the 2019 World Champion Hans-Peter Weis.
WINNER: Drew McNaughton 64.5% - Hans-Peter Weis 35.5%
MATCHUP #16 - GENGHIS KHAN VS. SANTA CLAUS
Khan's beard frames the face of the man who created the largest contiguous empire in history.
That achievement would be nothing compared with upsetting one of the most universally adored beards to ever exist (HE'S REAL TO ME OK?!?!😭).
WINNER: Santa Claus 84.7% - Genghis Khan 15.3%
MATCHUP #17 - JORDAN DAVIS VS. TONY STARK
Jordan Davis has the kind of beard you would trust your daughter to go out with.
Tony Stark....does not.
WINNER: Jordan Davis 68.8% - Tony Stark 31.2%
MATCHUP #18 - AMBROSE EVERETT BURNSIDE VS. JEREMIAH JOHNSON
Not many have a stronger claim to a place in beard history that Ambrose Burnside, for whom the start of many a fine beard (the sideburn) is named.
On the other side, you might recognize Jeremiah Johnson's strong beard and twinkling eyes as the ultimate sign of agreement on Twitter.
WINNER: Jeremiah Johnson 78.7% - Ambrose Everett Burnside 21.3%
MATCHUP #19 - THE AMISH VS. JAFAR
Not ones to seek the limelight, the Amish and their signature beard is included as a whole. Did you know that when their religion was founded, mustaches were a common feature of military men. To signify their pacifism, the Amish shaved the mustache and the Amish beard was born.
Meanwhile, Jafar wouldn't be half the villain without a beard to twirl.
WINNER: The Amish 65.5% - Jafar 34.5%
MATCHUP #20 - HANS LANSGRETH VS. OTTO THE GREAT
Hans Lansgreth was just a guy, but with the World's Longest Beard at the time, he takes on the aspect of a King.
He faces a real King, Otto the Great, who is famous for swearing by his beard.
WINNER: Hans Lansgreth 78.5% - Otto the Great 21.5%
MATCHUP #21 - BLACKBEARD VS. JACK DORSEY
The dread pirate Blackbeard won battles simply by showing up, the sight of his dreadlocked beard ringed in the smoke of his cannons enough for some to lay down their swords.
He faces off with Twitter founder Jack Dorsey, whose beard dominated the reaction to his 2020 senate hearings on Big Tech.
WINNER: Blackbeard 84.8% - Jack Dorsey 15.2%
MATCHUP #22 - PAI MEI VS. DAVID BECKHAM
The master of the Five Finger Palm Exploding Heart Technique takes on a man who's made some hearts throb, if not explode, through the years.
WINNER: Pai Mei 64% - David Beckham 36%
MATCHUP #23 - FORREST GUMP VS. YOSEMITE SAM
Sometimes you mean to grow a beard, and sometimes it just happens, like the fine growth Forrest grew while running back and forth across America.
He's facing Yosemite Sam, who snuck in with a mustache so powerful we mistook it for a full beard.
WINNER: Forrest Gump 51.5% - Yosemite Sam 48.5%
MATCHUP #24 - ERNEST HEMINGWAY VS. JULIAN EDELMAN
A beard grown "as something to do" is just part of the aura of quintessential macho-ness that Hemingway carried with him, in life and in his books.
He faces off against a Julian Edelman perfectly straddling the line between groomed and wild for a beard that says, "I'm here to win and if we cheated, so what?"
WINNER: Ernest Hemingway 77.2% - Julian Edelman 22.8%
MATCHUP #25 - DALE KING VS. LUKE COMBS
Proud native son of Portsmouth and Doc Spartan co-founder Dale King takes his distinctively salt-and-peppered beard into battle against some singer.
If you don't get Dale through the first round, you're dead to us 😉.
WINNER: Dale King 87.4% - Luke Combs 12.6%
MATCHUP #26 - CHRIS STAPLETON VS. ZZ TOP
Chris Stapleton co-wrote 6 number-one country songs and expertly blends a full beard with long hair, while the OGs of big beards in music ZZ Top are here for one last run at the top.
WINNER: ZZ Top 61.6% - Chris Stapleton 38.4%
MATCHUP #27 - JOHNNY APPLESEED VS. MERLIN
Johnny Appleseed brought apples (and good ol' American Apple Pie) to Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois and became a living legend in his time.
Merlin never lived, but he is a legend - guiding King Arthur in legend and depicted here by Gustave Dore with a kind of Earth Santa vibe.
WINNER: Merlin 63.5% - Johnny Appleseed 36.5%
MATCHUP #28 - KING LEONIDAS VS. ABRAHAM LINCOLN
Is it just us, or did Leonidas' beard seem huge when 300 first came out, but look kind of normal now?
Leonidas' Spartan chin is up against Honest Abe, who did many great things, including opening up the Oval Office to bearding as the first President with a full beard.
WINNER: King Leonidas 61.2% - Abraham Lincoln 38.8%
MATCHUP #29 - MR. T VS. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Dost thou pity the fool? If so, you might be tempted to choose Mr. T's fearsome beard over The Bard's pointed beard and mustache.
WINNER: Mr. T 82% - William Shakespeare 18%
MATCHUP #30 - HARNAAM KAUR VS. DAVY JONES
The second bearded lady in the bracket, Harnaam Kaur has become a sensation on Instagram and a spokesperson for people everywhere to be happy with their natural looks.
There's nothing natural about Davy Jones' tentacled 'tache, but he must get extra points for being able to use his beard as an extra pair of hands.
WINNER: Davy Jones 63.9% - Harnaam Kaur 36.1%
MATCHUP #31 - CHARLES DARWIN VS. LEONARDO DA VINCI
The father of evolutionary theory takes his somber full beard up against one of the most diversely talented men of all time, and the owner of a truly magnificent cape of facial hair in Leo da Vinci.
WINNER: Leonardo da Vinci 71.5% - Charles Darwin 28.5%
MATCHUP #32 - LEBRON JAMES VS. JUSTIN TRUDEAU
LeBron couldn't be The King without his stately beard, but is it enough to take him past another head of state - Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, whose beard has been called a reaction to being accused of inexperience (as if you need more experience than the average McDonald's manager to run Canada lol).
WINNER: LeBron James 51.5% - Justin Trudeau 48.5%
MATCHUP #33 - ANNIE JONES VS. ZEUS
Annie Jones became a world famous bearded lady as one of P.T Barnums "Freaks" but campaigned as an adult to have the word removed from the business. Think your family is messed up? Zeus is both the youngest and oldest of his siblings. He was born the last of 6, and was the only one to avoid being eaten whole by his father, only to later poison said father into vomiting all 5 of his originally older siblings (who were still alive) out. This "second" birth made Zeus the oldest of the 6.
WINNER: Zeus 54.2% - Annie Jones 45.8%
MATCHUP #34 - RICKI HALL VS. THE DUDE
Ricki Hall's beard was a natural choice for the model trying to embody masculinity in fashion. According to him, "There really is nothing as manly as a hairy man." His calculated look is up against one that just happened after a few months of chilling out, drinking White Russians.
WINNER: Ricki Hall 64.2% - The Dude 35.8%
MATCHUP #35 - CHUCK NORRIS VS. RYAN FITZPATRICK
Does it change how you see Chuck Norris' beard when you know that he was born Carlos Norris? Another man used to changing identities is Ryan Fitzpatrick, who's started for 8 different NFL teams, the most ever for a quarterback.
WINNER: Ryan Fitzpatrick 50.8% - Chuck Norris 49.2%
MATCHUP #36 - UNCLE SAM VS. KNUTE THE KENTUCKY CATTLE RANCHER
Uncle Sam's origin is unclear, but is often thought to be based on Samuel Wilson, a meatpacker who supplied American troops in the war of 1812. Knute's origins are also unclear, but never mind where they came from, who's going into the Sweet Sixteen?
WINNER: Knute the Kentucky Cattle Rancher 65% - Abraham Lincoln 35%
MATCHUP #37 - GANDALF THE GREY VS. GRIZZLY ADAMS
Facial hair usually grows at about 0.5 inches per month, so if you're thinking of growing a Gandalf style beard, prepare for a few years of growth work. Grizzly Adams' work included training the bear (Samson) who modelled for the image that appears on California's state flag.
WINNER: Gandalf the Grey 54.5% - Grizzly Adams 45.5%
MATCHUP #38 - JESUS VS. THE MAN WITH NO NAME
Jesus defeated fellow philosopher Socrates in the last round. In contrast, The Man With No Name wastes no words in his quest for truth. Can our savior stand up to the silent violence of this rugged competitor?
WINNER: Jesus Christ 64.2% - The Man With No Name 35.8%
MATCHUP #39 - CONOR MCGREGOR VS. JOHNNY HARRINGTON
Conor McGregor got the win he needed in the last round, and now comes up against the man who did what he couldn't do - defeat Khabib Nurmagemedov. Will Johnny Harrington win the battle of the ginger beards?
WINNER: Conor McGregor 72.7% - Johnny Harrington 27.3%
MATCHUP #40 - DREW MCNAUGHTON VS. SANTA CLAUS
Drew McNaughton and Santa share similar beard volume, with Drew's bushy brown number facing the snow white curls of Old Saint Nick.
WINNER: Santa Claus 72.5% - Drew McNaughton 27.5%
MATCHUP #41 - JORDAN DAVIS VS. JEREMIAH JOHNSON
Jordan Davis actually shaved his trademark beard for his latest music video "Almost Maybes," so this might be the last we see of his full beard. He has a dangerous matchup against one of the biggest winners of the first round, meme-king Jeremiah Johnson.
WINNER: Jeremiah Johnson 50.1% - Jordan Davis 49.9%
MATCHUP #42 - THE AMISH VS. HANS LANSGRETH
The Amish advanced humbly into the second round and face a man whose beard was measured at 17.5 ft at the time of his death in 1927.
WINNER: Hans Lansgreth 79.2% - The Amish 20.8%
MATCHUP #43 - BLACKBEARD VS. PAI MEI
If Blackbeard looks more familiar than the average pirate, it's because his trademark dreadlocked beard inspired the look of Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow (and the man himself appears in the movies as Sparrow's father). He faces a fellow mustache twirler in the kung-fu master Pai Mei.
WINNER: Blackbeard 83.2% - Pai Mei 16.8%
MATCHUP #44 - FORREST GUMP VS. ERNEST HEMINGWAY
Ernest Hemingway would probably appreciate Forrest's character, the typical "Hemingway Hero" often possessing the characteristic of always getting back up when life knocks him down. Forrest achieved fame and success despite getting a lot of duds in that box of chocolates.
WINNER: Forrest Gump 60% - Ernest Hemingway 40%
MATCHUP #45 - DALE KING VS. ZZ TOP
We asked for our co-founder Dale to get an easy ride through Round 1, but the cupcake trail has to end and it ends now, facing bonafide legends not only of bearding, but rock-and-roll in ZZ Top.
WINNER: ZZ Top 65.5% - Dale King 34.5%
MATCHUP #46 - MERLIN VS. KING LEONIDAS
Merlin was created in the year 1136, where he appears as a young man with prophetic powers. A man who was equally sure of his future faces him in Leonidas, who when told that he was only better than other men because he was king, replied that he was only king because he was better than other men.
WINNER: Merlin 50.8% - King Leonidas 49.2%
MATCHUP #47 - MR. T VS. DAVY JONES
Mr. T's famous hair and facial hair was originally inspired by Mandinka warriors he saw in National Geographic, and was originally spotted by Sly Stallone while competing in a boxing competition for America's Toughest Bouncer. He faces Davy Jones, who introduced mainstream audiences to Liar's Dice in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - a fantastic real-life drinking game for those of you so inclined.
WINNER: Mr. T 71.7% - Davy Jones 28.3%
MATCHUP #48 - LEONARDO DA VINCI VS. LEBRON JAMES
A major upset was brewing in Round 1 with LeBron James needing a late surge to narrowly defeat Justin Trudeau. A lack of March Madness experience almost cost the L-Train in Round 1, but now he'll have to take his talents up against the extremely multi-talented Leonardo da Vinci.
WINNER: Leonardo da Vinci 68.3% - LeBron James 31.
MATCHUP #49 - RICKI HALL VS. ZEUS
Ricki Hall took down The Dude in the last round to set up a matchup with the God of Thunder, who is coming off a victory over the youngest competitor in the bracket (at time of photo) Annie Hall.
WINNER: Zeus 54.6% - Ricki Hall 45.4%
MATCHUP #50 - RYAN FITZPATRICK VS. KNUTE THE KENTUCKY CATTLE RANCHER
Ryan Fitzpatrick defeated Chuck Norris by the narrowest of margins in Round 2, and moves on to face the Cinderella story of the Bracket, Knute the Kentucky Cattle Rancher, who took down American icon Uncle Sam to advance to the Sweet 16.
WINNER: Knute 66.4% - Ryan Fitzpatrick 33.6%
MATCHUP #51 - GANDALF THE GREY VS. JESUS CHRIST
Gandalf made sure that Grizzly Adams did not pass into the Sweet 16, where he will face a Jesus coming off a dominant performance against The Man With No Name.
WINNER: Gandalf the Grey 52.3% - Jesus Christ 47.7%
MATCHUP #52 - CONOR MCGREGOR VS. SANTA CLAUS
Conor McGregor knocked Johnny Harrington out of the bracket to advance, but faces his biggest challenge yet in the rampant Santa Claus, who has sailed into the Sweet 16 averaging 79% of the vote in his matchups so far.
WINNER: Santa Claus 67.6% - Conor McGregor 32.4%
MATCHUP #53 - JEREMIAH JOHNSON VS. HANS LANSGRETH
Jeremiah Johnson gave us our first real taste of March Madness in the last round, winning his matchup against Jordan Davis thanks to a mere 2 votes cast on Twitter. He faces Hans Lansgreth, who completely smothered the Amish with the longest beard left in the Bracket.
WINNER: Hans Lansgreth 55.1% - Jeremiah Johnson 44.9%
MATCHUP #54 - BLACKBEARD VS. FORREST GUMP
Blackbeard has the momentum, coming off the biggest margin of victory in Round 2 vs. Pai Mei. He faces a Forrest Gump coming off a defeat of Ernest Hemingway. In some spicy pre-game comments, Forrest reacted to suggestions that Blackbeard had the hot hand: "Momentum? I don't know the meaning of the word."
WINNER: Blackbeard 71.3% - Forrest Gump 28.7%
MATCHUP #55 - ZZ TOP VS. MERLIN
ZZ Top claimed the spot of tournament villain in the last round, mercilessly dispatching Doc Spartan co-founder Dale King. They move on to face Merlin, who squeaked by King Leonidas in the last round.
WINNER: ZZ Top 57.9% - Merlin 42.1%
MATCHUP #56 - MR. T VS. LEONARDO DA VINCI
Mr. T showed no pity in the last round, dominating Davy Jones from pillar to post. He is in the last matchup of the Sweet 16 against the man for whom LeBron James' talents were not enough - it's the Renaissance Man himself: Leonardo da Vinci.
WINNER: Mr. T 60.7% - Leonardo da Vinci 39.3%
MATCHUP #57 - ZEUS VS. KNUTE THE KENTUCKY CATTLE RANCHER
The Greek God of Thunder Zeus enters the arena to face off with Knute the Kentucky Cattle Rancher, representing the Stars and Stripes and the great state of Kentucky.
WINNER: Knute 64.9% - Zeus 35.1%
MATCHUP #58 - GANDALF THE GREY VS. SANTA CLAUS
Middle Earth rallies around its champion, Gandalf the Grey, who will face off against Santa Claus of the North Pole.
WINNER: Santa Claus 58.5% - Gandalf 41.5%
MATCHUP #59 - HANS LANSGRETH VS. BLACKBEARD
He immigrated to the US in 1867, but Hans Lansgreth will carry the torch for Norway into the Elite 8, where he faces off against Blackbeard, who made his fearsome name in the seas of the West Indies.
WINNER: Blackbeard 54.7% - Hans 45.3%
MATCHUP #60 - ZZ TOP VS. MR. T
An international Elite 8 is capped off with an all-American matchup: rock legends ZZ Top vs. the irreplaceable Mr. T.
WINNER: ZZ Top 67.4% - Mr. T 32.6%
To help us all crown a worthy champion, we reached out to the experts to help us judge the Final 4.
Lucky for us, news of our grand tournament reached the very highest authority on bearding in the land, the US National Beard and Moustache Championships.
They sent us a formidable judge indeed: 4-time US National Bearding Champion and former World Beard Champion MJ Johnson.
MJ joined us for the Final 4, giving us his expert view on the beards left in the bracket, which you can read below.
SEMI-FINAL 1 - KNUTE THE KENTUCKY CATTLE RANCHER VS. SANTA CLAUS
KNUTE
MJ's TAKE: "First of all it's a striking sidebeard photo. The beard is quite luxurious. An interesting point though is how he created a compelling look with the cowboy hat that doubles as sunblock. How you incorporate other elements into your look is a big deal. So, while the look is amazing but, as a cattle rancher odds are he spends long days in the blistering Kentucky sun. Right where the cowboy hat's shadow stops on his cheek...HIS BEARD PICKS UP THE SLACK. He has created full sun protection combined with rugged bearditude."
SANTA
MJ's TAKE: "A legendary beard to be sure. A few of the main features and benefits stand out big time. First, that's a colossal moustache. Mega points for that as a huge moustache adds a degree of difficulty to your life that a lot of guys aren't willing to bear. Furthermore, the massive stache and massive beard come across as overflowing and generous... Just like Old St. Nick himself."
THE PEOPLE VOTED:
WINNER: Knute 53.4%
Santa 46.6%
SEMI-FINAL 2 - BLACKBEARD VS. ZZ TOP
BLACKBEARD
MJ's TAKE: "OK! Here we go. Blackbeard is a high end beard that is not to be underestimated. If your beard has an aura or reputation that spans the seven seas, you are obviously killing it. One of the best things about Blackbeard is his decision to add the braiding. Different parts of his beard might be braided thickly while other parts might have smaller thinner braids as small bonus details. That's great design on its own but, the idea gets even more points out on the ocean as it slightly mimics squid or octopus tentacles."
ZZ TOP
MJ's TAKE: "So, now is the time to take a second to admire genius at work. Take a deep breath and drink it all in. Once in a while we see art come to life. There is no finer beard than a ZZ Top. They embody the supremely handsome 'outer beard' that needs no permission to be rad and they embody the kind, soulful, ready to rock 'inner beard' that helps to take the leap into an extraordinary life. When we see someone reach this level of iconic-ness with their beard it reminds us all that we can create/grow a magic life each in our own way."
THE PEOPLE VOTED:
WINNER: ZZ TOP 50.4%
Blackbeard 49.6%
The man voted for thousands of times on his way through a truly epic field of magnificent beards to claim the title of Best Beard of All Time is:
Knute the Kentucky Cattle Rancher!!!
